Trump’s Finger Proves Too Small and Weak To Launch Nukes, Settles On Historic Conventional Bomb

trumphandWe are learning why the Trump administration opted to drop the largest conventional (non-nuclear) bomb in world history at this hour. Leaks out of the Pentagon reveal that Donald Trump wanted to use nuclear weapons but when the “nuclear football” device was presented to him he struggled to depress the large, mechanical button.

In frustration he demanded the unprecedented, $314 million earth-shattering ordinance be deployed and “bigly penetrate” the underground tunnels used by ISIS. Trump feels this fulfills his campaign promise to “bomb the shit out of them.”

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