TRUMP CONFESSES! “It All Started with a Sting Ray Attack”

trumpstingray

Donald Trump is reportedly set to confess to several items in the BuzzFeed-leaked dossier from a concerned ex-MI-6 spy! Trump will appear Sunday morning on Drink the Press, the popular political podcast, and confess to participating in deals with Russian mobsters and “golden showers” with female escorts while traveling to Russia.

Trump sobs while recalling his kinky sexual fetish, “It all started on the Jersey Shore when my then-wife Ivanna was stung by a sting ray as we were walking along the beach. As I was tending to her, I was stung by a leaping giant sting ray. I mean this guy was mean, and he had it out for me. While I fought him off I was stung in the crotch by one of his sting ray cronies. Believe you me, he stung me bigly.”

“Since Ivanna and I are such big fans of Friends with Ross and Rachel and all those terrific, terrific friends we knew what we had to do. So…  that’s how it started. She peed on me, I urinated on her. A couple hours later we go for another round… I’m not sure what the problem is. It is reported that both presidents Taft and Garfield enjoyed this kind of therapy. It’s very Presidential.”

 

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