Chewbacca Mom – A Star Wars Story Opening Crawl Revealed!

chewbaccamomInsiders at Disney have revealed that plans are go for a Chewbacca Mom solo Star Wars film and get this – it WILL have an opening crawl! Not only that but we’ve got an exclusive first look at it!

The story follows Chewbacca Mom as she races to find Obi-Tom Arnold and his Droid phone with audio of Donald Trump saying the n-word! Can they get to Washington D.C. before the evil Darth Kardashious catches our heroes? I can’t wait to find out.

Episode III.VI (between the shitty ones and the good ones)

CHEWBACCA MOM AND THE PHANTOM FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT

It is a period of mediocrity in the galaxy. Reality stars are striking at the very fabric of what constitutes entertainment and talent. Emperor-Elect Donald Trump has taken advantage of this uncertain time and won a victory against the last vestages of decency and normalcy via his bizarre charisma, complusive lying, and mastery over the mystical power of the Worst. Trump is running roughshod over any career politician the public has grown tired of with his schoolyard insults and further tightening his grip on the space swamp.

During the Battle of Rustbelt 5 a woman completely void of joy in her life wore the novely mask of the mighty Wookie Rebel, Chewbacca ($19.99 at a store near you), and found the light side of the Worst. She and the mask are now one and she roams the galaxy and daytime TV as the Chewbacca Mom.

Pursued by Trump’s vapid vessel of vanity, Darth Kardashious, Chewbacca Mom races to find Obi-Tom Arnold and his Droid phone containing a stolen MP3 of Emperor Trump saying the n-word because apparently no one believes he’d actually say that. They hope to play the audio to distrupt the inauguration and loosen Donald’s dark grip of fear with the sad, sheer stupidity of it all.

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