Stocks of Exxon are tanking faster than the Valdez following a wave of investors dumping shares of the stock. It seems that despite years of healthy dividends Wall Street investors are appalled by president-elect Donald Trump’s selection of Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State, who has a history of putting Exxon’s interests before those of the United States and has a relationship with Russian and Putin that is more than cozy.
It’s also no secret that Exxon has undermined the United States foreign policy for the sake of profit in developing nations especially in South America and Africa, often scotching the earth in their wake, leaving the drinking water and soil unusable and the nation’s citizens worse off in Exxon’s race to plunder their national resources, enrich puppet dictators and get out as quickly and cheaply as possible once the oil is gone.
We spoke to Chip Munnybags, a hedge fund manager for Goldman Sachs, and he told us, “we simply don’t care about the profits in this instance. Some things are just more important than money to Goldman Sachs, we need to make sure we’re on the right side of history here and protect our reputation of making money by being above board. The potential for conflict of interest here is huge. If Tillerson becomes Secretary of State it would be as outrageous as, oh, let’s say, the former CEO of Halliburton becoming Vice President of the United States, the potential to take advantage of that position to benefit a single company is enormous and we can’t sit idly by. Also, it turns out, and this was shocking to me, that there are other kinds of energy we could invest in that don’t contribute to something called ‘climate change’… whatever that is.
“It’s not just Goldman Sachs either, everyone here on Wall Street feels this way. No trader, banker or investor with a soul wants this stock in their portfolio right now. I think it’s a Christmas miracle to see this kind of unity and patriotism from those of us on Wall Street who make so much with so little actual talent or skill. We just move paper around, it’s not like we contribute anything tangible to society but now we can come together to make a difference.”