Electoral College to Dump Trump, Take a Gap Year to “Find Itself”

gap-yearThe studious members of the Electoral College have been listening closely to the heated national debate playing out in the wake of the 2016 presidential election and with December 19th, the day they are to cast their vote, fast approaching many are struggling to decide.

The reasons the electors are struggling are numerous from a record setting gap between the popular vote and the electoral college vote, James Comey’s announcement that the FBI is re-opening the Clinton investigation due to new Wikileaked emails from the DNC server and the potential that those emails came to light thanks to an alleged Russian attack at the order of Vladimir Putin that was more #TheFappening than Johnny Nmeumonic.
Given the deluge of information, most of it coming to light so close to or after the election has given many electors, both Republican and Democratic, pause. So, the College has informed President Obama and the Senate and House leadership that they are going to take a “gap year” off to try and find themselves and put off the pesky election. Maybe backpack around Europe, check out Germany and figure out why they enjoy a trade surplus with China rather than a deficit and why they can have such a high standard of living for both labor and management at their companies (here’s a hint). Perhaps take an efficient, clean and cost effective train to France and see how the citizens there enjoy more leisure time than us yet are more productive. Enjoy the coffee shops of Amsterdam and ask citizens about the Nordic Model of strong pensions, healthcare and paternity and maternity leave.

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A member of the electoral college wonders “what the fuck do I do now?”

In the interim the United States intelligence agencies can figure out who hacked the emails, who wrote the emails, what they mean, what they want to do, what they’re going to do and maybe the electors will be ready for College next year but for now, it’s probably best just to let Obama deal with the mess. He’s pretty good at cleaning up a shitty situation.

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