Standing Rock Protesters Writing History Based Rap Musical In Hopes They Can Get Some F*cking Media Attention Over Here Already

ar130524376595189Protesters of the controversial Dakota Access Pipeline at the Standing Rock Reservation are regrouping following yet another evening of having their flesh ripped off their bodies by humane rubber bullets and being hit with ice cold water cannons in freezing weather by writing a whimsical Broadway style rap musical based on the life of one of America’s founding fathers!

One of the tribe elders spoke to some girl on Snapchat who was doing the reporting work we should have been doing and told her, “We felt that the only thing the media and the politicians care about right now is the cost of Hamilton tickets, the impassioned speech the cast gave to Vice President-elect Mike Pence, and Trump’s subsequent Tweets about it. I mean, we were kind of naive to think that just getting physically abused by the authorities would be enough. It’s not like anyone did anything when Scott Walker bullied the Union protesters in Wisconsin and certainly no one lifted a finger to help the Occupy Wall Street kids when they were being maced…  We thought the media or politicians would get excited over rubber bullets and water canons on people of color? We pulled out hashtags like #NoDAPL and #IStandWithStandingRock and thought the world would come? We were fools!

So we’ve devised a new plan to get the attention of the President, who is apparently powerless to stop these vicious attacks, and other major Washington players… We’re writing a hip hop musical about Andrew Jackson, the man who paid off the national debt… and in his brutal military campaigns against Native-Americans recommended that troops systematically kill Indian women and children in order to completely exterminate their race! I think it’s going to bring a lot of attention to the plight of the reservation.”

Tickets for the unfinished play are already selling for several thousand dollars above face value on secondary ticket sites like StubHub.


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