We’ve Obtained Trump’s Debate Talking Point Cheat Sheet

debatepodiumsTSBtN has obtained exclusive documents from an insider at the Trump campaign that appear to be a cheat sheet that was emailed to Trump. Presumably he will have these talking points with him on stage during his debate with Hillary Clinton. We now present the email in it’s entirety as we received it:

Mr. Trump,

Thank you for your feedback, your suggestions to be “bigger” and “greater” and to hire some more of the smartest people were brilliant and helpful as always. We’ve taken our previous email to you and “kicked it up a notch” per your suggestion with this short list of bullet points we feel will ensure you are victorious in your debate against crooked Hillary.

  • Open Big: Just after your introduction dump your glass of water onto the carpet, unzip your pants and urinate into the glass and hand it to Chris Wallace (make sure to mention that it is still hot). Demand Hillary do the same, offer to use your coat as a curtain to ensure her privacy! If she refuses call her a junkie, if she accepts look in the camera and tell America what a gentleman you are for not looking while covering her “vajayjay.” This will get a big laugh and endear you to women.
  • If Hillary tries to bring up Russia or Putin turn the conversation to her support of chemtrails. Imply homosexuality didn’t exist prior to the advent of manned flight and that Hillary’s sky chemicals are making America gay.
  • Hillary is going to go after you on Trump University when she does point to your debate guests, President Obama’s half-brother and Daniel, the emotional support duck and suggest they are successful graduates.
  • Chris Wallace will likely ask you about your dealings in Cuba. Tell him you were simply looking for potential XFL players who may want to defect and your development interests were simply a guise that was approved by the CIA who also told you that Bill Clinton is serial killer.
  • If you feel you’re losing the audience return to chemtrails and Daniel, the emotional support duck. He’s polling very well this morning.
  • Hillary may reference that your suggestion that if president you’d put her in jail is unconstitutional, if that happens suggest that she supports privatized, for-profit prisons, and then offer to build a new, luxury Trump Prison just for her.
  • We cannot stress enough the importance of Daniel, the emotional support duck’s presence and the length we’ve gone to get him and his owner here today. Lean on Daniel often and hard for support.
  • Sign off with “Thank you and may God Bless America unless they elect this crooked Hillary character than fuck it.”

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