Trump Recruits Pick Up Artist “Mystery” to Court Female Voters

trumpmysteryDonald Trump has seen his support among female voters plummet ever since audio of him talking to Billy Bush about groping women was released. Now, the Republican Candidate is looking to rebound with an October surprise of his own by creating a new position in his organization for the charismatic leader of the seduction community and professional pick up artist, Mystery!

Trump invited us to his campaign headquarters where he spoke to his staffers, “I thought women loved a bad boy, you clearly love a bad, bad boy. And I’ve been very bad but apparently crooked Hillary is even badder than me what with her blatant drug abuse before the debates and her murdering her former associates and having affairs behind Bill’s back and grabbing men by the penis. I just can’t match her crooked badness so I did what I have done so many others times and reached out to my friends in the reality television community for advice.

I spoke to Mystery after the announcement but I totally forgot what he said because he was just so dreamy

“Let me tell you, Mystery is a great, great pick up artist. If all the women he’s slept with would vote for me this thing would be over for crooked, bad girl Hillary right now. Believe me. This Mystery, let me tell you, he can give a woman syphilis so fast you won’t even believe it, your head will spin. You girls in my graphic department are going to love having him around on the campaign trail as he helps me manipulate women into voting for me. It’s going to be beautiful.”

I spoke to Mystery after the announcement but I totally forgot what he said because he was just so dreamy. I gave him my phone number though so maybe I can get a comment when he calls me. Please call me, Mystery.

 

Advertisements

Join the discussion!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s