Democratic POTUS candidate Hillary Clinton has shocked Washington with a genius surprise for rival Donald J. Trump. Trump, who is still reeling from a parade of women coming forth and saying the Republican nominee and businessman groped them without their consent, seemingly took Hillary’s bait hook, line and sinker.
Michael Moore’s was the first of several celebrities who slowly revealed this most unconventional “October Surprise” when he Tweeted that he was planning on voting for Trump in November. The long time liberal shocked both his fans and critics with the announcement. Angry Trump supporters who have spent so much of their lives snarling at the trailers for Moore’s docutainment films re-Tweeted the announcement with ugly comments about the director and threats that he withdraw his support for Trump.
Next was Angelina Jolie who has long been a left wing activist and is famously estranged from her father Jon Voight over their political differences. She was giving a speech at a Unicef event when her Apple Watch beeped and flashed an iMessage that simply said “ORDER DEEP SIX. GO NOW!” She immediately discarded her prepared remarks and started talking about Donald Trump’s sex appeal and praising him for having such tall buildings.
A few minutes later political reporters started to put 2 and 2 together and started to see the genius of the Clinton campaign’s attic as Al Sharpton took to MSNBC and declared that he is “all in for Trump” and prepared to help “make America great again.” He apologized to everyone at Fox News for representing everything that is wrong about America by volunteering to represent families dealing with tragedies and losing weight taking away their rolodex of fat Sharpton jokes. It is said that Bill O’Reilly was hospitalized after he heard the apology, experts speculate an aneurism. He is said to be resting at press time.
Next Donald Trump announced an impromptu press conference because he had just ran into two new friends who pledged their support. The crowd was skeptical and when he introduced the politically charged Irish crooner, Bono, you could barely hear him sing the hit U2 song Real Thing over their jeers. The crowd produced a remarkable amount of rotten tomatoes as Bono serenaded the Donald proclaiming he is “even better than the real thing.”
Finally, as the crowd reached a crescendo of rage Donald introduced his long time rival Rosie O’Donnell and several Trump supporters fainted, others hissed and booed so hard their vocal chords tore as they cursed both Donald and his new friends from their bloody mouths while others took to Facebook live and Twitter streaming that they could no longer vote for someone who associated with liberal scum and would either vote for Johnson or Clinton.
Trump’s poll numbers with registered republicans are currently in the single digits following today’s events.