Martin “Pharma Bro” Shkreli Launches Controversial New Subscription Business

56b391c3c361881e7f8b4618Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO and professional gamer Martin Shkreli held a press conference to announce he was launching a controversial new subscription service called NetTrophy. Shkreli’s new venture is similar to NetFlix’s original DVD by mail plan and serves a very specific high end consumer. 

NetTrophy is a dating service that puts wealthy men who have personalities so despicable they cannot land a vapid trophy wife or girlfriend in their native country in touch with an attractive woman from a poor country so devastated by poverty, disease and/or war that the nightmare of sleeping with a human troll like Martin is considered a very slight upgrade.

Here’s how the service works: The disgusting soulless human shell signs up for the NetTrophy service after downloading the app. He searches through available women and queues up several, in order of preference, that he would like have delivered and after he sets up payment his first companion is given an airline ticket to his closest airport. When the sleazebag user tires of a particular woman he opens the NetTrophy app and a return flight ticket is generated and he drops her off at that same airport. When his old rental companion checks in safely in her home nation (or to her next degenerate host) a flight is booked for her replacement. The monthly subscription fee covers as many 15 (depending on the length of the month and frequency of the flights) or as few as 1 if the wretched subscriber actually develops a sense of humanity by some miracle and finds himself attached to a particular woman for more than a month.

Shkreli is quick to point out that this is not a mail order bride service and he will instantly cut off anyone who even suggests as much. “Bride implies commitment and a vow to love and honor a single human being, that is a completely different sad sack space. My customer base is incapable of love and are certainly not in the business of making promises of fidelity or honor.These are soulless sociopaths, like myself, who see human beings as a commodity put on earth to further their selfish desires. That is all clearly stated in our terms of service agreement.”

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