John Hinkley Jr, noted gun control opponent, Jodie Foster aficionado and would-be presidential assassin, has joined the Fox News Network as a pundit for their 2016 Presidential Election coverage.
Fox News Spokesman, Kevin Curtis Kittengram said in a press release, “Mr. Hinkley is an expert on many issues that are important to Fox News viewers: presidential politics, gun control, unhealthy obsessions with unobtainable and age-inappropriate blondes, president Reagan and, of course, the greatest president of all time Ronald Reagan!
He is soon to be a free man and that means he is eligible for gainful employment; we feel this is no different than former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski joining CNN after leaving the Trump campaign. Now some may have concerns that he tried to kill Republicans’ most beloved president to win the love of an underage lesbian he never met and feel somehow that makes him dangerous but Mr. Hinkley has assured us that after 35 plus years spent institutionalized that he is now ready to be a good guy with a gun. Besides it was Rogers Ailes’ parting wish that ‘something’ happens to Donald Trump, the Republican nominee, and if time allows the Democratic nominee, Hillary Clinton. We strongly feel that ‘something’ could come from Mr. Hinkley.”
Arbitron TV pollsters say that since this is one of the most heated elections of all time between two of the least liked candidates of all-time that Hickley’s appearances at debates and on various Fox programing will be a ratings windfall. Fox News viewers have become desensitized to outrageous language and may be ready for the natural evolution to outrageous action.