Trump Demands to See Orlando Shooter’s Birth Certificate

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Trump demonstrates his ‘two-hand plan’ for stopping ‘bad guys.’

Presidential nominee and business tycoon, Donald J. Trump, is doubling down on his statement that the Pulse Nightclub shooter was born in “Afghan.”

“Look, I’ve got some of my best people working on it and there’s some very interesting things in there. This birth certificate. Let me tell you. Very interesting. I can tell you. I feel strongly that Afghan Muslims are excellent. I know so many Muslims that are such fabulous people, but some Afghans like to come to America and lie about their origin of birth, get blankets named after them and shoot gay nightclubs like Mexico sends their surplus, factory seconds Mexicans” Trump told TSBtN. “But there is a problem. I mean, there’s no question about it. Big problem. Believe me. And we can be politically correct and we can say there is no problem whatsoever. But the fact is there is a problem with some. It’s on the down low, the d-l. They’re hooking up and getting angry at themselves for doing gay stuff and shooting and things of this nature and whatchamacallit. And it’s a very severe problem. And when I produce this Afghan birth certificate it’s going to do nothing to help prevent this problem, that is a huge problem, believe you me, am I right? It won’t bring any of the victims back, I’m not Merlin the magicians or the fantastic genie from Aladdin, remember him? He was the best, right? I can’t say things aloud that will make sense when you write them down and read them later but right now my mouth is moving and you’re focused on my hair and my orange skin and it sounds good, it’s like hypnosis and that and this and the other thing and when I say ‘huge’ you will wake up and believe that I’ve said some very presidential things that would make me a good president and ignore all the damning evidence and the things about me that are bad and think they are good and you will help my campaign to Make America Great Again and that’s just terrific.”

“…when I say ‘huge’ you will wake up and believe that I’ve said some very presidential things that would make me a good president and ignore all the damning evidence and the things about me that are bad and think they are good…”

Trump paused and said “Huge.” and the crowd erupted in approval.

 

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