Big Oil, Pharma, NRA and Anti Metric System Lobbyists Look to Expand Evil Lair


This is where the magic happens.

The Confederacy of Lobbyists Against Science, Progress and Educated Descendants, or CLASPED, has submitted their proposal for an expansion to their evil lair to Washington, D.C.’s city council. 

CLASPED spokesman, Baron LaVey said in a press release, “This is an exciting time to be in the business of kicking the little guy when he is down and stifling the education of the next generation. So CLASPED is proud to announce an expansion of not only our headquarters on K Street but to our commitment to the oppression of reason and logic in the public forum. Today we are happy to announce we are taking on some new members! Joining Big Oil, Big Pharma, the NRA and the Dark Guild of Imperial Weights and Measures, our core, charter members, will be the Society of Flat Earthers, the Everything is a False Flag Enthusiast Ensemble, Americans for a Brighter Tomorrow in Unsafer Mines, Moms Investing Lots to Frack, Gone to Hell in a Windmill, Polar Bears Against Solar Panels, Pediatric Plastic Surgeons Stomping Out Ugly Babies, Literal Bible Interpreters of North America, NAMBLA, Fahrenheit for Freedom and Confusion, The Nacho Cheese Growers of Southern California, The Reality Television Lobby and the Macklemore Fan Club and Improvisational Comedy Team.”

Insiders say the building’s expansion should be approved without much fanfare and construction could be complete as soon as summer of next year.


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