The father of Stanford University varsity swimmer Brock Allen Turner who was found guilty of raping 23-year-old “Emily Doe” behind a dumpster on campus has shocked anyone with even half a heart yet again. You may recall “Emily’s” moving open letter in court to her attacker that touched so many yet did little to impact Turner’s severely abbreviated sentence of 6 months.
The father, Dan A. Turner, penned a controversial letter requesting a shorter sentence because any jail time would be “…a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life” now appeals the judgement seeking an even shorter sentence. His new argument? The pathetic nature of his son’s penis.
The letter begins, “Your honor, if it pleases the court before you sentence my son I’d like to explain how inconsequential my son’s short, shriveled, hideous mouse-like member is. We would frequently hear his girlfriends, who never stayed with him long, ask “is it in yet?” The organ itself is lacking in both length and girth and is hard to see with the naked eye. Professional urologists have openly laughed upon viewing it and called nurses and custodial staff into the room to bask it in the pathetic sight of it and take turns mocking it.
“If it pleases the court I will demonstrate how this golf pencil dick syndrome runs in the family and submit my junk as evidence.” – Dan A. Turner
“I have included a list of women who have slept with Brock and they have signed affidavits swearing that they barely even felt Brock’s manhood. One ex included signed documents from her OB-GYN stating she is still, medically speaking, a virgin despite Brock’s best efforts. Please reconsider your sentence and adjust it either to accommodate the mere 20 minutes of felonious criminal assault my son inflicted on another human being and/or the lack of pleasure he took from the violation and/or the inability for any adult to actual feel his insignificant member inside them. If it pleases the court I will demonstrate how this golf pencil dick syndrome runs in the family and submit my junk as evidence.”