Dick Cheney Spends Memorial Day Explaining Iraq Invasion Decision to Military Widows

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Dick Cheney takes time out of his busy day to tell a nagging window about the dangers of high-strength aluminum tubes in an effort to get the pesky woman off the phone.

Dick Cheney is feeling unappreciated this Memorial Day. Love him or hate him you must admit he’s done so much to make the holiday special for 4,425 modern families. So the former Vice President emerged from the Dark Side to field some phone calls from widows and widowers to help explain to them exactly why their loved one’s death was worth the ultimate price.

The response was overwhelming and Cheney was visibly emotional by the response saying, “Christ, the lines are lit up. I’m booked for a Segway endangered grizzly bear hunt. This is the worst thing anyone has ever volunteered for ever.” Cheney talked to two widows, a mother and a man who lost his fiance before faking a heart attack and excusing himself and going to Five Guys Burgers and Fries.

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