Twitter-verse Demanded Marvel Turn Captain America Gay So They Made Him Evil

the-captain-america-75th-anniversary-special-gives-us-a-more-intimate-look-behind-the-shie-797397The internet’s bathroom wall, Twitter, has jumped on a trending hashtag #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend and since everyone in the news media knows that nothing is more important than a trending hashtag it is getting a lot of attention. However, Marvel comics has answered the Twits demands with a curve ball.

Starting in issue #1 of Steve Rogers: Captain America the beloved hero’s sexuality isn’t explored but his motivations are. You see after 60+ years of loyal service, a couple decades frozen under nice, thwarting countless world threatening events, several trips to outer space and beyond, a run as a werewolf, going undercover as a transsexual grandma, fighting a lizard Ronald Reagan and an apparent boob job Marvel has revealed an even more sensational new direction for ole Cap! Captain America has been a double agent working for Hydra and has just been waiting for the right moment to strike… for 60+ years. And maybe he’s gay now too, we’ll see how well the comic book sells. If sales slump after this temporary gimmick innovative new story line he could get an equally evil boyfriend, we will call him Phillip America, and they could have evil dates as they plan their evil future.

We’ve obtained some of the dialogue from Hydra’s original leader, Baron Wolfgang von Strucker, from the issue that reveals Hydra plotting their evil plan during WWII.

“Guys, I’ve called you to this share holder’s meeting because there’s been a lot of talk about my 65 year plan for Hydra. I know this sounds like I’m pushing responsibility off on my fifth or sixth successor but the plan is sound. All we need to do is find a scrawny kid that is not fit for active military duty, get him to volunteer 5 or 6 times until he gets accepted by the United States Army by some miracle, get him into the Super Soldier program that may or may not exist, have him punch Adolph right in the kisser, make sure his plane crashes and he is frozen for a couple decades and survives the thawing process, have him kick the ever living snot out of us and our outrageous and terribly expensive plans for world domination for another couple decades and on year 65 he will reveal himself and turn the tide in our favor! I’m telling ya, this is gonna work and we’re going to save a ton of money writing off losses on our evil taxes in the interim.

I call it Springtime for Hydra. It’s like the Producers only evil.”‘

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One response to “Twitter-verse Demanded Marvel Turn Captain America Gay So They Made Him Evil

  1. Pingback: Marvel’s Memorial Day Shocker: Captain America to Endorse Donald Trump | This Should Be The News·

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