WASHINGTON D.C. – American politicians find themselves flummoxed when it comes to pressing serious, long-term problem that face the nation had a collective sigh of relief when the issue of which bathroom transgender citizens should use began to dominate the news cycles.
“The congress has so much work to do,” Mitch McConnell told his Republican and Democratic colleagues in the Senate sauna over a bottle of scotch. “These issues will impact every American. We are simply not prepared to do address any of it, I mean look around. We’re two competing parties of empty suits with the same capped teeth, the same fancy haircuts and the same flag lapel pins. We’re basically what a space alien would look like if he tried to emulate a human being, in a weird way we might as well be trans-human martians.”
He added, “The tax code is a mess, the Middle East is a complete catastrophe, Syria continues to burn, we’ve already pushed all our military personnel to their breaking point and pushed our military decision making responsibilities onto Obama, Putin is looking to expand, China is too, the ice sheet is about to melt and swallow many of our districts, free trade has decimated our middle class and we have tremendous wealth inequality, our infrastructure is a joke, we’ve established an illegal prison in Cuba where we torture human beings, we unconstitutionally spy on our own citizens, our educational system is a joke, our health care isn’t much better, college tuition costs are inflating at several times everything else is and we have the largest prison population in the world… I don’t know what to do. Do you? So, let’s just agree that the longer we can play out this transgender bathroom thing the better… Well, at least for us.”
Democrats and Republicans both have some of their most competent human internet meme creators working double time to offer opposing views for their human constituents to share and perpetuate their distraction.