Daniel Day-Lewis and Christian Bale in No Holds Barred Fight for Lead in Andre The Giant Biopic

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Earlier today Variety broke the news that Robin Christensen-Roussimoff, daughter of the legendary professional wrestler and actor known as Andre the Giant, will consult producers Scott Steindorff and Dylan Russell and Lion Forge Comics on their upcoming film on the late “8th Wonder of the World.” 

Agents for method actor Daniel Day-Lewis and weight chameleon Christian Bale immediately started contacting the producers to lobby for their clients who have allegedly been scouring Mexican pharmacies for steroids, growth hormones and caloric-rich Tex-Mex food to alter their appearances. Day-Lewis is said to have scheduled an illegal and controversial limb lengthening surgical procedure in Korea. Meanwhile Bale has been injecting silicone into his hands and forehead to recreate the effects of acromegaly that Andre suffered from.

Not to be outdone, Day-Lewis has turned on his friends, even ripping their trademark shirts off, and has gotten uncomfortably chummy with the former WWF/WWE star the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and his milquetoast valet, Virgil. Bale, knowing how serious Day-Lewis’ commitment to method acting is and that Andre was deathly afraid of snakes especially those handled by Jake “the Snake” Roberts, has broken into his rival’s home and left the serpents all over his home. Essentially testing the now nearly 400 lbs thespians’ will to perpetuate his make believe persona and make him miss several meetings with studio executives. Studio executives are giving Day-Lewis three more days to leave his home before the project moves forward with Bale as the lead.

 

 

 

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