FLYOVER COUNTRY, U.S.A. – A retired General Motors factory worker and solo travel blogger forced a Airbus 321 to land unexpectedly in Kansas this afternoon after flight attendants grew suspicious that she may be a spy for the Japanese Empire or a potential Kamikaze pilot because of her proficiency playing Sudoku puzzles.
The suspect, Irene Fitzpatrick, was escorted off the plane by United States air marshals immediately upon landing and her finished puzzles were pulled from the trash bin of the jet. Under the Patriot Act bylaw 4928.7b it is a crime for a United States citizen to show a recreational interest in mathematics, reading or philosophy while traveling by air or train within the borders of the United States.
We spoke to an Air Marshal under condition of anonymity and he explained, “Turns out that it was nothing. She was actually a rather nice lady, she might have been married if she didn’t use such big words all the time. The boys and I needed a dictionary to understand what in tarnation she was yapping about to be honest. This little gal had completed like 4 or 5 of them Japanese number puzzles before the plane even got to cruising altitude! After we let her go we tried one and they were damn near impossible. Fortunately, we had a copy of Mad Libs someone left on an earlier flight. That brought our spirits up.”
Irene, for her part, says she has never even been to Japan but thinks it would make a good place to go and blog about. She also told us she now sympathizes with the Ivy league professor who was kicked off his flight for doing math equations.
As a reminder to readers FAA permitted activities for passengers include Choose Your Own Adventure Books, Kevin James movies and most iOS and Android versions of Candy Crush Saga made before 2015.