Wow! This 109 Year Old Woman Credits Long Life to Red Wine, Cigars and Freebasing

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAYou could say Gertrude Gallagher has a lot of moxie for a gal her age… but you could also say she has a lot of moxie for someone any age! The spritely 109 year old revealed to us her secret to staying young when we spoke to her on her 109th birthday.

Gerty, as her true friends (who are all long dead) call her, admitted “Each night before bed I treat myself to one glass of red wine and I smoke half a cigar and during the day I like to pull off my crack pipe occasionally. It helps me with my arthritis and keeps me active. Freebasing good Colombian cocaine is my favorite midday treat but I can only afford that after I get my social security check..”

Shocked, we asked her to repeat the last part of her fountain of youth formula and she reiterated, “I’ve been using recreational controlled substances for nearly a century. I started with original formula Coca-Cola, moved to greenies when they removed the cocaine, dabbled in gas station speed, smack, poppers, mescaline, downers, uppers, goofballs, angel dust, crank, crack, you name the dragon, I’ve chased it. I’ve freebased with Sly Stone and the Family, shot up with Lenny Bruce, snorted rails with Sigmond Freud, tripped balls with Momma Cass, did amyl nitrates with Liberace, tweaked with Charlie Sheen…  Keith Richards ain’t got shit on me. Now pass that blunt before I gotta get street.”


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