Nation of Drooling Dimwits Debate Merits of New Big Mac Configurations While World Burns

McDonalds Big Mac

Whoa! Three different sizes of Big Mac? Is this some sort of demonic sorcery?!

It may just be coincidence that the news media is smitten with the historic scoop that McDonald’s best and brightest bioengineers are “experimenting” with new sizes of the burger chain’s popular Big Mac sandwich on 4/20, the nation’s stoner holiday, or it could be a sign that we are spiraling down a giant toilet of lead tainted stupidity waste.

The middle class? Decimated. Afganistan? In ruins after terrorist attack after terrorist attack. Saudi Arabia? Threatening to cash in their US bonds and sabotage the economy if we try and take them to task for their involvement in 9/11. 9/11? Called 7-Eleven by the leading Republican candidate for president. Legal opioid abuse in America? Off the charts with seemingly more and more deaths everyday. Our water supplies? Tainted with lead. Our bridges and roads? An immediate danger to our children’s safety. Media coverage? Nil.

But a Big Mac in two new sizes; Junior and Grand?! STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES – OUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED!

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