Earlier today while campaigning in New York a solemn Donald Trump laid a ceremonial taquito at the site known as 7-11’s Ground Zero. The presidential hopeful and real estate tycoon choked back tears as he mourned the broken hot dog roller grill that was damaged by drunken teenagers the night before.
“It is my honor, as a New Yorker who lived through 7-Eleven and has fond memories of guzzling many a Mountain Dew Super Big Gulp before they were outlawed and America became less great, to lay down this oversized, novelty ceremonial taquito that looks even more comical in my tiny, baby hands upon this damaged grill. Never forget,” Trump told the confused supporters gathered next to a Jack’s Beef Stick end cap.
Before leaving Trump took a cherry Slurpee and poured a little out for his “homies, the blacks, who love me.”