Alex Jones Comes Clean

screen-shot-2014-11-25-at-11-25-32-amInfoWars creator, conspiracy theorist extraordinaire and host of the Alex Jones Radio Show, “Alex Jones,” had a rare heart-to-heart conversation with listeners to his show this morning.

“I’m very grateful to all of the loyal listeners to the show. You’ve provided so much for me and my family, success and wealth beyond anything I deserve. Seriously, it’s too much and I’m starting to feel guilty. I thought the Jade Helm thing was so off-the-charts bat shit crazy that you’d all finally move on. Realizing that you’ve been the butt of an elaborate, decades long April Fool’s Day joke.

“Do you people really think that ChemTrails are some kind of conspiracy? Do you realize how many planes you’d need to have spreading these “mind control” chemicals? Do you wake up and think the condensation on your Honda Civic is some kind of evil chemical residue?

“Remember when I said Diet Coke was a governement conspiracy to introduce e. coli and that’s why Taylor Swift was endorsing it? You stood with me.  Are you a fucking idiot? I’m trying to let you off the hook here. Or when I said that atheists are worshiping Satan? You realize that is the exact opposite of what they do but there you were, standing with me. Let’s revisit how stupid that was:

“How about when I said that gay marriage was a eugenics conspiracy to engineer and breed babies according to designer specifications? Thanks for not turning that dial, I would have! Did you believe me when I said the government was creating gay people? That was stupid of you. And now, it’s time to admit – I am actually comedian Bill Hicks. I didn’t die in 1994. It was a false flag. Everything is a false flag,” the raspy voiced Jones confessed to numb listeners.

Thanks to RawStory for the scoop.


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