Jealous Hillary Demands a Bernie Bird, Wasserman-Schultz Fills In as Flocks Flee

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Democratic nominee by hook or crook, Hillary Clinton, was reportedly outraged when she saw that the Bernie Sanders campaign had a delightful bird make a quaint appearance at one of his rallies.

“How did they beat us to the bird thing?! Have we polled people to see how they respond to birds?” Hillary was heard screaming at her campaign staff and on speaker phone to Democratic National Committee Chairperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

The calculated chameleon candidate was convinced this was a staged moment and was furious that her campaign had not done it first. After several minutes of heated back and forth Wasserman-Schultz agreed to audition birds and called in several Hollywood trainers. Unfortunately, most of Hollywood, even the feathered friends of the Clintons are Bernie backers. In fact, it seems that nearly everyone is a Bernie supporter despite what Seibold voting machine totals would say.

Regardless of her commandeering nearly every aspect of Bernie’s campaign platform the birds just wouldn’t bite. However, Hillary persisted that she needs a bird to appear at her next campaign stop. Wasserman-Schultz, having exhausted nearly every other avian alternative avenue, offered to shrink herself, put on a bird costume and sit on Hillary’s shoulder at upcoming events.

The first of these events is scheduled for Saturday. Supporters are encouraged to bring crackers.

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