Trump Claims Crescent Moon is an ISIS Recruitment Tool, Vows to Block It

trumpblocksmoonWe’ve got some shocking news for those of you who thought that Donald Trump would stop after getting Mexico to pay for a border wall! The brash billionaire slash casual instigator of mob violence slash Republican presidential candidate has said that he’s going to force Muslims to pay for a giant articulating arm with an attached disc atop Trump tower in New York that will block out the moon when ever it is crescent shaped!

Trump spoke to the nation in his weekly one hour address that is broadcast on every television and radio station, “We’ve got to block this Muslim moon until we figure what the heck is going on. The other day the moon was full and bright like Jesus promised it would be over there in the second chapter of the Bible. What I think has happened is that these bad guys in ISIS saw that the weak politicians in Washington left the moon undefended and they went up there and let me tell you, they went up there FAST, and laid down some black tiles or some dark prayer rugs or something that made it look crescent shaped from earth to match their logo.

“I am going to block out the moon like you wouldn’t believe until we figure out what is going on up there. I think these guys are using OUR moon as a recruitment tool and Alex Jones of InfoWars agrees. He’s a very smart guy and he is one of the best people when it comes to these things. So we’re going to round up these Muslims and we’re going to make them build a moon-blocker until we can get our best and brightest space soldiers up there to get those guys off our moon. The moon blocker will act as a temporary fix to prevent the ISIS guys up there already in their moon base from communicating  with sleeper cells of terrorists planted in the United States.”

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