Hamburger Helper Mascot Arrested at Adult Movie Theater

hamburgerhelper“Handy Helper” the seemingly innocent and lovable mascot for the Betty Crocker owned Hamburger, Tuna and Chicken Helper brands is out of jail this morning after posting a $3,250 bail on charges of indecent exposure and lewd conduct after being found in an adult movie theater with his glove down while another patron stroked his rather substantial penis.

A spokesperson for Handy, the gloved mascot for Helper brands since the early 70’s, said that this is all a misunderstanding and his client hopes to clear his name and be back to helping working families make quick, easy, sodium-rich pseudo-home cooked meals before the week is out.

Poppin’ Fresh, an ex-boyfriend of Handy’s, says that he feels for the troubled mascot, “See, he IS a hand, yet, he has no hands if you know what I mean. The poor guy can’t reach himself. He’s helpless and I imagine that it’s frustrating for him. He goes to these JO joints and people see this famous, successful gloved hand waddle through the door and some start to think of ways to mock him or take advantage of him. Maybe they call TMZ, maybe they help him out so they can brag to their friends that they masc-offed a famous mascot. Some just want to poke you in the belly. I know that all too well. I hope the judge takes that all into account. He’s a good guy, he’s just a little lost.”

Handy joins other celebrities Paul Reubens (aka Pee Wee Herman) and Fred Willard who both have been caught with their pants down and other disgraced food mascots Mayor McCheese and Jared from Subway.

Betty Crocker could not be reached for comment at this time.

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