Presidential hopeful and potential fuhrer, Donald Trump, is backing away from some of the more violent rhetoric and pledging a more peaceful platform from the podium and a newsolution to the growing number of protesters at his rallies and appearances.
His solution? Lobotomies performed by none other than former Republican rival and noted brain surgeon, Dr. Ben Carson!
Trump has instructed his personal SS, that’s what he calls the secret servicemen assigned to his campaign, to put any protesters into 5 point restraints and bring them back to a surgical prep area where Dr. Carson scrapes away most of the heckler’s connections to their prefrontal cortex, the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain.
When the patient awakes he or she is calm and in a relatively good mood, softly chanting “USA! USA!” and wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat to protect the incision as it heals. Carson himself said he underwent the procedure before endorsing the Donald and claims he’s never been more at peace. It was his third self-lobotomy in the past 10 years.