Reports of Widespread Food Poisoning Plague Trump Campaign

steaksJUPITER, FL – Reporters, donors and campaign staffers who covered Presidential Candidate Donald Trump’s speech following victories in Michigan and Mississippi are deathly ill today.

During his bizarre victory speech Trump flaunted some of his “failed” products, such as Trump Steaks, as a jab at 2012 Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who criticized some of Trump’s failed business ventures last week.

A Trump volunteer spoke to us on the condition of anonymity and said, “The vodka was fine, it was actually pretty good in my Trump orange juice. The bottled water, I think, was fine. But those steaks. What was I thinking? Those steaks were 7 to 8 years old at this point and I ate mine medium well. I really feel for anyone who had one rare and I hope Donald is okay.”

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