DETROIT, MI – Eastland Mall outside of Detroit was shut down twice briefly today due to the release of the new Air Jordans. The real riot, however, happened online as self-righteous blowhards raced to their keyboard to comment on the judgement and lifestyle of American citizens who by all available evidence were using money they earned working legitimate jobs to buy legal products that were manufactured and imported to the country completely within the trade laws of the United States of America.
Opa K said on the Detroit Free Press site, “We can’t educate our children due to lack of money, but we somehow find money to buy overpriced sneakers, made in sweat shops overseas, because they have some “hero’s” name on them! Sad, and tragic!” is presuming that everyone who bought these high priced sneakers is uneducated. They managed to get the money to buy the sneakers so how dumb can they be?
Ira says, “At $300 plus for a pair, it makes one wonder how most folks can afford them. Oh, wait, their kids are malnourished and they’re behind in rent, but they got “mad kicks.” We all hope that someday Ira can afford these luxurious sneakers but for now he can enjoy his crappy poverty shelltoes and project a complete life story onto someone he’s never even met!
Kyle M, who claims to be an Adjunct Professor of World Languages, also took time out of his day to pass judgement on the purchases of people he’s never met and make a loose association with voter turnout, “Can’t get people to the polls but they’ll wait all night for some shoes? I guess on Election Day they should say the new Jordans are available. This is indeed PATHETIC” Apparently, Kyle, wants to blame the people for not voting in a primary election that hasn’t yet taken place.
We are all very grateful for the cyber scolding these internet arbiters unleashed, you’re the real heroes!