RNC Chairman Demands Candidates Release Their Penis Measurements

sizeDETROIT, MI – Reinhold Richard “Reince” Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee, is working overtime after tonight’s crazy Republican Debate at the gorgeous Fox Theater in scenic downtown Detroit.

peepeechart

This chart shows the correlation between penis size and leadership qualities. It has long been said that President Lincoln was a 9×6 and Alexander the Great was a 10×7.25. Now that’s leadership!

More than eyebrows were raised early on in the debate when Trump implied that he has above average sized genitalia, certainly larger than “little” Marco Rubio but we all know that, geez. Trump did not release specifics or numbers, which has become par for the course whenever Trump is asked to defend one of his policies or body parts (have you seen his hands?).

Tweets from Republican Penis Enthusiasts exploded following the comments as the candidates were measuring each other and each other’s dicks up. Mr. Priebus decided that since politicians are expected to release other, otherwise private info, like tax records, health records and their drug history that to settle this once and for all he should demand the campaigns post dick pics on their verified Twitter accounts. The candidates have been asked to show their engorged members next to a ruler that uses Imperial measurements. Sorry, metric but you’re just not tough enough to measure American junk!

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