Ever since Dolly Madison used her fame as First Lady to participate in philanthropic charities the spouse of the President has historically championed an issue facing the country.
Nancy Reagan had her famous “Just Say No” campaign, Michelle Obama has programs meant to battle childhood obesity, even Mary Todd Lincoln who historians admit was “kind of batty” fought for veterans’ health care so it’s no surprise with Trump getting ever closer to becoming the republican nominee for president that Melania is starting to think about how she can give back.
The documents we intercepted reveal that Melania, who was a successful bikini model before meeting the Donald, wants young girls to have the same opportunities that she did. That’s why she intends to make every Planned Parenthood clinic offer anal bleaching services currently branded “Melania’s Backdoor to America.”
Melania is adamant that the procedure popularized by pornstars and bikini models that lightens the skin around one’s bunghole is what capitulated her to international fame and the arm’s of the Donald. And when your value as a human being is measured by your appearance a more photogenic puckering poop chute can be the difference between being the penultimate pinup prize of a billionaire and a being a unemployable pauper in Podunk, Pennsylvania.
A sign featuring the blinding beauty of Melania’s brightly bleached buttocks highlighting her tasteful Trump Stamp she has tattooed above her hiney will illuminate all Planned Parenthood locations. The Supreme Court may be twirling their thumbs while considering abortion laws in Texas but First Lady Trump is already making backsides great… again.