Clinton Eavesdrops on Staffers Watching “He’s Just Not That Into You”, Fumes

notthatinto2Former Secretary of State, Hillary (formerly Rodham) Clinton, is rumored to have been raging mad as she overheard her young campaign staffers yucking it up while watching the smash hit rom-com “He’s Just Not That Into You” after she spent the evening getting booed by fellow democrats at a Nevada townhall. The pressure must be getting to the former First Lady now that she finds herself in a virtual dead heat with Bernie Sanders.

The Secretary of State (formerly Senator of New York and First Lady of Arkansas) allegedly busted into the room and scolded the group reportedly saying “listen up, you registered voters 18-35 and to a lesser extent 36-45, I called ‘next’ in 2008. I got dibs! This is how this works. The only reason Debbie [Wasserman-Schultz] even scheduled a debate with this socialist schlub was to give me practice for Jeb!

“I want you to turn off that stupid movie and find everything that these lemmings find likable, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean, about this Sanders schmuck and add it to my platform by dawn! And tell Lloyd Blankfein over at Goldman Sachs to lose my number and have Bill’s wingman take him to Red Lobster to explain the affair is on ice until after the election. Give him some chocolates or something and tell him I’ll divorce the middle class as soon as this over. When I’m in the White House we’ll be back on hotter and heavier than ever.”

 

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