You’ll Be OUTRAGED When You See the Beneficiaries of Justice Scalia’s Will

Antonin_Scalia_2010Throughout his storied career Justice Antonin Scalia was never afraid of controversy and now, even in death, he continues to make headlines.

Apparently Scalia, who shared the majority opinion in the controversial Citizen’s United case, took the stance that corporations are people quite literally. In fact, in his will he bequeathed much of his vast estate to various corporate mascots, most notably Chef Boy-Ar-Dee.

“Dad celebrated their ethnic diversity and wanted to thank them for their contributions to the American economy and culture with money, his favorite tool of communication.,” Scalia’s daughter said in a letter to each corporation named in the will.  We’ve assembled some of the more notable quotes below. 



Of Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Scalia said “a wonderful mascot based on a real human being who brought affordable authentic Italian cuisine to America paving the way for restaurants like Olive Garden.”


Scalia thought the Land O’ Lakes mascot was a “little vixen that churned more than butter in his heart.”


…on Aunt Jemima “What an amazing example of what African-Americans are capable of despite being unsuitable for elite universities.


From Scalia’s will “Punchy brought the flavors of the tropics to the American mainland and was a tremendous spokesperson for both the beverage and Hawaii’s native savages.”


Of the Jolly Green Giant “a great example of why Affirmative Action and the Black Lives Matter movement are apple sauce and jabberwocky. Nearly every American home embraced this GREEN man into their homes. This is a post racist society.”


Make sure to check out our coverage of Scalia’s upcoming funeral and how long his body will lie in state.



One response to “You’ll Be OUTRAGED When You See the Beneficiaries of Justice Scalia’s Will

  1. Pingback: GOP to Delay SCOTUS Vote Until Scalia Clone Emerges from Recombo DNA Chamber | This Should Be The News·

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