Within hours of the historic announcement that Einstein’s theoretical gravitational waves had been discovered the indie music scene found itself at the precipice of a different kind of big bang. The scientists at LIGO hadn’t left the podium before unwashed bearded mandolin players, child-like female songwriters armed with toy pianos and androgynous dead pan suburban rappers wrapped in shitty tattoos found themselves in a
Mexican Hispanic standoff as they clamored for their claim to the desirable new AKA.
“The Gravitational Waves,” “grAVit8tonalwAVes,” and “Waves of Gravity” were some of the names being bandied about by the pretentious post-teenager wannabe popstars. Fortunately, millennial battle royals are rather tame affairs and cooler heads prevailed when they all decided to combine forces and create a super shit group that will feature children’s instruments, baby-talk and repetitious lyrics, early American arrangements and a disconnected, uninspired monotone rap part. The group was immediately approached by an automotive company, a pet food company and a coffee chain who wants to use their music in advertisements. They signed with all of three.
In related news, Red Bull is said to be working on an Extreme Gravitational Wave Riding show for their streaming network and the Beach Boys are working with John Stamos on shoehorning the astrophysics term into Kokomo ’16, a remix of the classic Kokomo.