Unhappy Ending for Distracted Masturbator

Fox 2 News is reporting that Clifford Ray Jones of Detroit was minding his business, pantlessly watching pornography on his cellular phone when he lost control of his 1996 Toyota sending him partially through his sunroof, both embarrassing him to death and killing him instantly.

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Completely unrelated generic photo.

Jones was not wearing a seat belt at the time of the accident or the climax. Lt. Mike Shaw of the Michigan State said it appears to be another case of distracted masturbating, an activity that unlike driving requires all of one’s attention. MSP advise masturbators on the go to find long stretches of easy-to-drive straight road and to stay on divided highways and to make sure to watch something that really turns you on so it doesn’t take you too long.

 

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