MICHIGAN – Militias in Michigan emboldened by their sister militia in Oregon are vowing to take up arms against the recent blizzard on the east coast. “We’re mobilizing now and aim to reach the hardest hit areas by June 25th, or July at the latest. Stay strong east coast, we’re coming!”, militia organizer Jerry Conrad said. When asked where, specifically, in the east coast they were going Jerry gestured vaguely over his right shoulder in the direction of Quebec City, Canada.
You may remember some frequent yet sparsely attended press conferences from Jerry and his militia. They’re the ones who vowed to ‘Take Up Arms Against Salad Bar Croutons’ as well as several other topics that aren’t a big deal like the following…
- Take Up Arms Against Replacing Furnace Filters Every 6 Months.
- Take Up Arms Against Aunt Mary
- Take Up Arms Against Taco Tuesday
- Take Up Arms With Tebowing
Currently the militia is engaged in it’s campaign to take up arms to defend the citizens of Flint, MI from poisoned water. Tactics include pointing guns at the water, yelling at the lead in the water to leave and shooting the water. Sadly, shooting the water has the unfortunate side effect of actually introducing more lead into the already tainted water supply.