Rand Paul Introduces Bill to Fund Entire Government With 50/50 Raffles

randpaul50America’s Billion Dollar Powerball Fever may have faded but not before inspiring presidential hopeful Rand Paul’s new proposal to tackle the country’s overly complicated tax code and let citizens vote for which departments they want funded. Paul introduced a bill today that would abolish all personal income taxes and replace them with a series of 50/50 raffles.

Powerball officials claim that over a billion dollars was raised for the nation’s struggling schools and stupid children. Paul thinks this model would be a windfall for the government and give voice to citizens with a more libertarian brand of taxation.  These raffles would be run by each individual government agency allowing citizens to vote with their wallets which department is more important to them. By directly funding only the games of chance they approve of they get to fund the government they truly believe in while the wealthy will be allowed to sit at home and cuddle with their hoards of cash.

Ron explained it at a recent stump speech, “Hate disease and dream of a house that would allow you to live a safe distance from the diseased masses? Play the Health and Human Services Millionaire Fever game!  You like space exploration? Buy a NASABall and don’t forget to add the ThrustJacker for an extra $1 and you could win enough to build your own spaceship to the stars! You say you support our troops but do you really? Fill out a Department of Defense Bet All You Can Bet slip and win enough to fund a millisecond of our middle east operations!

The Department of Agriculture’s Monsanto Lotto47 should be big with people who give to food banks, the NSA’s Catch the Terrorist Lucky Scratch Off Shell Game for those of you who support the Patriot Act, Housing and Urban Development’s Play 4 Your Hood Hourly 4 and the Department of Veteran’s Affairs will have a pull-tab maze game where you try and get the vet to the doctor before he dies of his illness. It’s all a lot of libetarian fun for everyone including those under 18. If they can work or get money from their granny they should be able to fund and win what they want.”

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