Ignore the Mainstream News Tips – Here’s How You REALLY Win the Powerball Lotto!

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“Traditional” news outlets like FOX and Forbes claim they have the answers to winning the big Powerball jackpot and becoming as wealthy as their segment producers but don’t listen to those charlatans. TSBtN has got the real shortcut to Powerball gold! 

People are always looking for the hot new numbers when they play the lottery. You need to think outside the box and outsmart the competition to win.

First, know that easy pick is a government scam for suckers, no one has ever won via easy pick, that’s probably a fact. Second, if you have loser kids why would you play their loser birthdays? You need WINNER’s numbers to be a winner. Play a successful friend’s kids birthday. Third, lucky totems are generally rubbish unless they’ve been blessed by a certified voodoo queen so leave the lucky rabbit’s foot at home. Instead let’s use science to make you rich! Here’s some of the lesser known methods for picking your golden Arabic numerals:

Don’t throw out that old calendar!
Just because the year has changed doesn’t mean you should be throwing out an old calendar – there’s all sorts of great numbers to be harvested! If you don’t have one go to a recycling center and see if they have any lying around, go to a laundry mat or a bank and see if they are giving any out. If you have any Chinese or Jewish friends ask them for old calendars – you’re sure to be inspired to try out-of-the-box numbers when you see how they measure time! That’s probably one of the reasons that both of those cultures have historically been considered lucky.

Fortune cookies!

Fortune cookies are a great way to get LEGITIMATE, trustworthy lucky numbers. The only problem is you must eat all of your Sweet and Sour Pork (#7 on the menu, also a well-known lucky number). Yes, we mean every grain of rice served and every crumb of the shattered cookie. If you don’t complete your meal the lucky numbers will reset and you’ll be cursed with the ancient force of anti-luck for 7 years (this time not a lucky number). Most people don’t know this and that’s why they’re poor and haven’t won the Powerball yet. By the way, the only way to lift the curse of anti-luck is by consuming ground up rhinoceros trunk tea… which, coincidentally, is also lucky.

Invest in Bingo cards!

Bingo_cards
Bingo cards can be an excellent source of numbers. It is also a great excuse to connect with your grandmother. She worries about you. She wonders why you haven’t won the Powerball yet. What’s a matter with you?

Don’t be afraid to use dates associated with tragedy!

National_Park_Service_9-11_Statue_of_Liberty_and_WTC_fire

9 and 11 are two numbers that a LOT of Americans refuse to play. Are you a sentimental old fool or are you a POWERBALL WINNER?! Never forget? I’ll never forget to play those numbers all the way to the bank!

Go against the grain!

Hewlett-Packard

Is Powerball the flavor of the week with it’s big fancy schmancy jackpot? Why not play ignored games like Mega Millions? It is a statistical FACT that if there’s fewer people playing a game you have a better chance of picking the right numbers! You’ll just have to settle for a smaller jackpot but hey if you’re writing down these tips we can already assume you’re a loser! It’s time for you to win!

Roulette!

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Buy a roulette wheel and take it wherever you buy your tickets. Use it to pick each and every number! Don’t mind the line behind you. They all brought their own wheels and they’ll understand.

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