George R.R. Martin Signs On as NEW Co-Executive Producer of Star Wars Ep VIII!

Screen Shot 2015-12-29 at 7.18.05 PMA GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY – George R.R. Martin is certainly known for his take no prisoners style of writing in his acclaimed book series A Song of Ice and Fire. Now he is bringing that WGAF attitude to Star Wars Episode 8!

Martin has signed on as head writer and new co-executive producer at the blessing of Disney and dismay of J.J. Abrams for the highly anticipated movie in late 2017. Our staff caught up with Martin at a comic con in Boise, Idaho. When TSBtN asked “What type of changes will you expect to bring to SW8?”. Martin replied “Autographs are $25, photos are $50.”

TSBtN pressed Martin further “We just want to ask, oh, ok, hands off! We’ll pay… Is $100 enough for a few questions?” Martin, “Fine. $100. I intend to make several changes to the pace and dynamics of the story. I literally stood up and cheered when your precious fan favorite [SPOILER removed – editor] died. Now that’s how you make these fanboys who pay for your life of luxury cry!” Martin continued without pause, “I’m not fond of Rey, Finn or that short woman/thing so don’t get too attached. In fact, if Chewie pisses me off during filming, he could suffer the same fate as Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones. No one can remember why I did that – imagine what I will do to Chewie!” Our reporter lost consciousness but his recording device continued to run. Martin then said, “Are you OK? You passed out in front of my line, stopping traffic, that will be $350 please for lost revenue.”

UPDATE: Our plucky correspondent was briefly detained by the Potato Town Comic and SciFi Con security staff after being unable to pay initially. TSBTN eventually paid GRRM his owed monies after which Martin slammed his fists to his autograph table and shouted, “I’m going to flip this franchise on its head and burn it to the ground!” Martin was gesturing rudely in the direction of Carrie Fisher who was autographing 8x10s at her table as he made this crass statement.

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