Student Bailout Coming: Federally Mandated Nutritious Edible “Past Due” Loan Statements Kick In Jan 1!

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A friendly public service announcement to our readers in the United States struggling to make ends meet and have crippling student debt – new laws mandating that all past due student loan bills printed after December 31st be printed on edible paper manufactured with vitamin supplements so they can be used by the loanee as nourishment kick in on January 1st this year!

This is great news for Americans who are having trouble finding gainful employment and for those with frivolous degrees. You may recall congress passed the Food Leftover Edible Supplemental Payment Oddments Testimonial Statement or FLESHPOTS Act for short earlier this year and it was quickly signed into law by the president. Some debt collectors have already started adding the nourishing paper to their outgoing mail so look for a nutritional fact table to see if you can skip a meal or two and eat your bill now. Each page is said to have the nutritional value and flavor of two cups of raw kale.

The banks had their bailout already, now it’s students turn! Let us know how the desperate scraps taste in the comments below and how you’ll be using the additional funds you previously spent on gruel!

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