Sinister Media Masterminds Control America Except That Time They Gave Emeril a Sitcom

BAM!

TELEVISION CITY, CA – If I’ve learned anything from Alex Jones and his brilliant Info Wars show it is that there are thousands upon thousands of government employees who are working day and night on vast conspiracies spanning several industries. Admittedly some of them are a bit harder to believe than others but the one that almost all of us agree upon is that the lame stream media is the government’s propaganda arm. Ruthless network executives work hand and hand with Obama, the Bilderbergs, the Rothchilds and the Illuminati on brilliant content that is designed to look like innocent entertainment or news programming.

However, the real programming is happening in your mind when they unleash their powerful prime time punch to your cerebellum. Consume. Obey. Put down your guns. Do something very, very gay. It’s not your fault, the media masterminds are your puppet masters and you’re no longer in control.

They made us believe that 9/11 really happened as reported, that Sandy Hook was a real shooting (spoiler – it was actors and ketchup packets, just ask one of the “parents” of the “victims” and I’m sure they’ll be happy to tell you it was all an act!) and that Jade Helm is some crazy conspiracy and not a network of Walmart stores in the southeast connected by underground tunnels set up so the New World Order can commandeer your mobile home when they decide to finally reveal themselves.

They have perfected this methodology of control. Fluoride toothpaste and TV have lulled us into a false sense of comfort. That’s why it’s so strange to me that they failed so miserably with chef Emeril Lagasse’s sitcom. I mean, they had the mind control catchphrase “Bam!” which was just as good (maybe better!) as Colonel JJ Walker’s “Dynamite!” They also had all sorts of shiny pots and pans to hypnotize the masses.  They had the savvy, wise wife character who emasculates her clumsy, dopey husband that has neutered American men since the communists wrote the first episode of the Honeymooners.

Yet it didn’t work and I haven’t been more proud of Americans since Cop Rock. Thanks, Info Wars.

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