HOUSTON – Scientists at NASA’s JPL announced today that they have found conclusive evidence that there was life on Mars and that it was indeed once a lush, green planet teaming with vegetation and, at the very least, living bacteria and microbes.
Debra Lyftov of JPL “We’ve uncovered a fossil of a Martian microbe in what appears to be some sort of microscopic assembly hall and he’s holding a snowball to show all his microbe colleagues that everything is fine and that they were overreacting to the events that led to Mars becoming the barren, frozen desert we now know. We carbon dated a sample to about the time that the Red Planet’s rotation began to slow down and it’s atmosphere was being blown into space.”
It seems that despite a deluge of damning evidence surrounding them, including the discovery of stone tablets from the period written by numerous single celled scientists documenting the planet’s impending doom, a disturbing portion of the populace seemed to be hellbent on denying and bringing about their own demise.
Lyftov went on “There must have been a virus or some kind of infectious chronic birth defect that these microbes were exposed to. To have all this observational evidence, charts, graphs and consensus from experts spanning several scientific fields. Even single celled organisms can comprehend danger and act accordingly, these guys over here, they must have had rocks for brains or something.”