HOLLYWOOD, CA – TMZ is reporting that actor, producer and self-proclaimed warlock, Charlie Sheen, is going to announce tomorrow on NBC’s Today show that he is, and has been, HIV+ for years now. You may recall Sheen went on a bit of a wild streak enjoying the long-term company and likely the professional services of several porn starlets and escorts with terrible judgement whom he referred to as his “goddesses.”
Sheen’s lawyers are preparing for an avalanche of lawsuits filed by these goddesses, countless escorts, various porn stars, a plethora of strippers and a handful of hazmat companies who were called to clean the Sheen residence after weeklong orgies fueled by drinking “tiger blood” and Charlie’s “masterful casting of warlock boner spells” [that is likely cleverly coded language for viagra and meth – ed.].
This Should Be the News spoke to several trial lawyers as they were reentering the Earth’s orbit after jumping out of their shoes at the HIV+ revelation. They told us as they furiously sent private messages to every female that Sheen is following on Twitter that the payouts could be astronomical given Sheen’s net worth, income from the unexplainable hit show Two and a Half Men and from the contract for that show that’s exactly like it on TBS that no one possibly watches.