The leader of ISIS took to Twitter to respond to this weekend’s overwhelming support on social media for the people of France in the wake of the monstrous attacks in Paris on Friday night. In a rare photo-only statement he posted a pic of an ISIL flag with a sad face emoji replacing the text and circle at the center. The message was clear – we’ve seen your red, white and blue profile pic and it hurts us, not like bullets or imprisonment but it hurts our feelings and we’re very sensitive.
In case you’ve been living under a rock or are color blind let’s catch you up to speed – the good citizens of Facebook responded to the Paris attacks in kind with the sort of voracity and inaction that only they can! After all it literally is the least they could do – take time out of their busy social media narcism fix to hit a button that automates the process of applying a transparent French flag layer temporarily (so as not to be too preachy once it’s out of style) over their profile pic. This tinted photo is intended to show support for the people of France and impress friends! And what a moving gesture it is to show all their American friends, ex-lovers and anyone else they’re hoping reads their Facebook feed that they courageously stand with France! No more need to march in the street, donate to the Red Cross, write a letter to your congress person or an editorial to the newspaper or alter your schedule in any meaningful way – this photo is a catch all to cover all your bases.
A young ISIS recruit spoke to us with the promise of anonymity
“Back at Camp Terror we were devastated that so many Americans took the millisecond out of their lives to make this vanity profile pic. It really had us reeling. I mean, it was everywhere! On Yelp all I saw was Americans reviewing French toast and French dip sandwiches. People were taking selfies with baguettes at the grocery store, girls posted pics of their hair in French braids, they did throwback pics, and not on a Throwback Thursday, mind you, of themselves wearing berets and black and white striped shirts. Shit, one guy even did a mime act in Times Square… How are we supposed to fight a mime?!
We’re just glad this is temporary because right now it really has us in the dumps, I mean we’ve been ruthlessly killing all sorts of people for years now, hell we just hit Libya and Lebanon just as hard and no one bats an eyelash in America but you go after Paris and now we can’t even log on and enjoy our Facebook accounts, that really sucks.”