WASHINGTON, D.C. – For decades now, and especially since the attacks of 9/11, both Democrats and Republicans alike have counted on the silent endorsement of the reliable and trustworthy American flag lapel pin. The small, noble, metal flag has literally been a fixture of every congress person, cabinet member, governor, president and political pundit who wants to subconsciously brand themselves an official spokesperson for the flag and to the republic for which it stands but apparently that’s all about to change.
The lapel pin took to Twitter to announce his candidacy with series of Tweets.
We called the traditionally quiet pin and asked for a quote and it was more than willing to open up to us.
“For years now I’ve felt guilty as I’ve passively endorsed any Schmo with a sport coat able to scrape together the $4.99 it takes to buy me. Well, no more. I’ve heard these scumbags speak behind closed doors – heard them making deals with big corporate masters at the expense of the people, selling out working people’s job and financial security, sending our children to war for profits, cheating on their husbands and wives, handing over your money to big banks, you name it. I know how to get them to work for everyone. My stars represent not just every state in the union but every person – rich or poor. They’ve hid behind my Star Spangled badge too long but I’m taking a stand on my own. Starting today. I’ve sharped my spike and I’m ready to fight for America!
You might say ‘but you’re an inanimate object with no soul’ and you’d be right but that hasn’t stopped soulless politicians, human shells devoid of personality or soul, from winning in the past. So if you see an American politician wearing me I want you to know I did not approve their message, just because they ponied up for a pin they speak only for themselves and their paid interests, not for me… and certainly not for you.”