MUNSEE, IN – Single, balding, overweight middle-aged telemarketer Dan Ericsson picked up his check from his soul crushing job on Friday and made a conscious decision to, in his words, “just fuck it” and pulled his rusted 1999 Ford Taurus into three different fast food restaurants on his way home.
Dan explains “I had to take a day off work for a doctor’s appointment last week but I had forgotten that I had missed a day this pay period so when I saw how small my check was I just said ‘fuck it’ and decided to treat myself to as many of the cheapest menu items on Main street as possible without blowing my rent and car payment this month because without that extra money my Saturday Applebee’s gathering with my friends was out the window. By the time I got all that stuff my seat belt light was on and making noise so I just buckled everything up.”
Dan’s iron stomach was treated to a virtual cornucopia of American roadside food faire – a rubbery Little Caesar’s Hot and Ready $5 pizza, a 99 cent tostada, a 99 cent Triple Layer Nacho and a 99 cent beefy Fritos burrito from Taco bell and a McDouble, McChicken and, in the event he makes it through the night, a sausage breakfast burrito from McDonald’s.
“I would have stopped at the White Castle too but I was already up to about 12 bucks in food so I was already over my original budget so I just went home and cut the McDouble into quarters and put them in old White Castle boxes I had around the house.” Dan told us before adding “I’ll probably do it again, I have dentist appointment next week.”