KUNDUZ, Afganistan – Local ISIS leader, Al-Sherrtof Rhahalbine, of Kunduz has shocked the international community by denouncing the mission of the so-called Islamic State in a youtube address
that we don’t have the link to. We are careful to say “so-called” because they are, we are, and everyone else is calling them that but the media makes us keeping saying that to hurt their feelings or something. I guess “so-called” is a bigger insult in Arabic than it is in English.
Reliable sources on the ground say the leader ordered an IUD to be placed on a single lane highway into town that was intended for the many female enemies of the terror group but it hit a well-meaning humanist Afghan commuter in a Prius instead. The car was immediately destroyed and the rear bumper was sent flying several hundred feet and miraculously landing directly at Rhahalbine’s feet. The wise message of the bumper sticker could not be ignored, it was directly in his field of vision. He paused to absorb the adhesive propaganda’s not so subtle message that we should all just get along and live and let live and whatnot.
Al-Sherrtof is said to have changed on the spot, laying down his arms and denouncing the mission statement of ISIS. In his address he said “As the late, great Bill Hicks once said – I came to the realization that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Thank you, peace and love unto all of you and death to ISIS.”
That Prius driver is now considered a martyr of the Unitarian Church where his message of unity from beyond the grave is celebrated whenever Unitarians get around to it.