WISCONSIN – “Pearl Harbor” and “9/11” – words that immediately conjure thoughts of fear, uncertainty and dread are now joined by “Starbucks 2015 Holiday Cups” in the American psyche. Everything has changed. This is now War-Time. Or more accurately – More War-Time – since we’re already kind of at war. It’s hard to remember when I have so much serious disposable coffee cup business on my mind.
Regardless of how we got here there’s a new battle front – the war on Christmas. The War on Christmas is very real and although it’s been brewing for a while now Starbucks has finally fired the first shots and percolated the dormant holiday cheer in all of Those Who Are With Us™ and I’m so mad I’m practically frothing at the mouth. Fortunately this war is heating up right before the only non-lamestream media outlet was about to host a presidential debate because these tough questions about tinsel and Egg Nog must be answered by the next president. The current tyrant Obama certainly won’t upset his lib-tard followers to address it; even if he tries to take a sip of this mess his weak decaffinated Hawaiian blend of liberalism, socialism and totalitarian fascism won’t get him anywhere. So the next commander in chief will be tested in a crucible of peppermint and brought to a boil by hellfire beneath. He needs to be the Christian version of a Crusader and fight for Christmas.
Fox News knows this better than most, or at least than the others would dare admit lest they spill the beans that they’re controlled by the secular liberals. So Fox Business has poured the entire previous debate itinerary down the drain and are going to be putting the presidential hopefuls on a hot plate to ask them the tough Starbucks Holiday cup related questions the nation demands answers to. There will be no mugging to the camera this evening, they need to get a handle on this issue and swallow hard. CHRISTmas trouble is brewing and it can no longer be sugarcoated.
It’s time for the cream to rise to the top. I’ll be watching… and drinking a Sanka.