Star Wars Spinoff “Jabba’s Sorry” is 90 Minutes of Giant Slug Apologizing for Sexualizing Slaves, Playing to Gender Norms

A_worried_Leia_hears_Jabba_order_3PO_to_address_LukeHOLLYWOOD, CA – Rumors are swirling that Disney plans to no longer allow licensing of any images featuring Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia in her infamous “Slave Leia” attire from Return of the Jedi. The metal bikini Fisher sported has taken on an identity of it’s own since it appeared in the final film of the original Star Wars trilogy. It’s been a subplot of a Friends episode, it’s been a popular theme for many action figure variants, a poster, a drinking glass, a Halloween costume and a mainstay of fans at conventions who cos-play, or in layman’s terms, dress like their favorite character from comics and sci-fi.

This news comes as Hollywood is making a concerted effort to cast more females and minorities in meaningful roles but insiders say that Disney has an even bigger plan to bury the slave costume in a yet-to-be announced Star Wars spinoff film (currently a Boba Fett and Han Solo film are in actively production stages). Vagina Monologues writer Eve Ensler has been hire to pen “Jabba’s Sorry – How My Sex Biases Figuratively Choked Me Long Before Leia Literally Choked Me.”

The film is said to be a departure from space battles, laser swords and the typical stale trappings that nerds are tired of. This project is going to be very much a confessional like the Vagina Monologues or Swimming to Cambodia with Jabba the Hutt on screen for 95% of the movie, speaking in Huttese (with subtitles), baring his soul as he cries over the atrocities he committed on the desert planet of Tatooine as a space gangster who deals with abandonment issues with his slimy father and an Oedipus complex with his equally slimy mother.

Preproduction is set to start in Syria in quarter three of 2016.


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