ANYTOWN, USA – Parents! We are receiving credible reports from police agencies and children’s advocacy groups that homes that give loose change to children this year are doing so with a terrible motive – TO POISON YOUR CHILDREN! That’s right; the little nice old lady in the corner house intends for your children to use that generous little arthritic fistful of pennies she drops into their bags for one thing and one thing only – DRUGS. Drugs that they will use to drug themselves and get all hopped up and doped up and drugged out and high. Your children. ON DRUGS. Thanks to Halloween.
It’s a known fact that 99.999% of grade school students USE DRUGS and that 97.5768% of grade school children SELL DRUGS. For money. And PENNIES ARE MONEY AND MONEY CAN BE USED FOR DRUGS. WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR CHILDREN MONEY SPECIFICALLY FOR DRUGS?!
Police are requesting that if you see an adult trying to DRUG CHILDREN WITH MONEY that you should politely decline the treat and firmly look into their eyes and say “NO THANK YOU, MY CHILD DOESN’T NEED YOUR DIRTY DRUG MONEY” as you back away from the home (do not turn your back to this person!) and call the police as soon as you are out of their view.